By BENJAMIN NJOKU
November 30, 2016 is not a date to be forgotten in a hurry by Alex Eyengho, a former President of the Association of Nollywood Core Producers, ANCOP, and Vice President of the International Federation of Film Producers Associations, FIAPF, and his wife, Matel. On that date, the couple welcomed a set of twins- both boys – after 15 years of childless marriage. The couple share their pains while the waiting lasted ahead of the birthday of their twins.
Eyengbo and her bundles of joy
After 15 years of marriage
I feel on top of the world. I feel blessed that, after 15 years of marriage plus two years of knowing my husband, God wiped away my tears by blessing us with a set of twins. It’s not easy waiting for the fruit of the womb for 15 years. It was a long journey. The pains, the gossips and the cries of childlessness were inevitable. But, today, I give all the glory to God because were it not for Him, I don’t think the cries of babies would have been heard in our house.
The Bible says in everything we should give thanks to God. I give thanks to God because He was the one who did it. It’s not by my power or my might that it happened. The Lord showed us mercy.
Waiting for the fruit of the womb
Every month when I saw my ‘flower’, I felt like breaking down, murmuring that ‘this thing has come again’. The anxiety to be pregnant is indescribable. Whenever the blood started flowing, I’m like. ‘Jesus, why again! Will it ever happen? Why me? Everybody in my family has given birth to babies. Why me?’ ‘Why’ was always there in my questions.
The children that were born in my presence, including those who played the role of flower girls at my wedding, had been married and were having kids. But here I was still waiting upon the Lord. You couldn’t question God. Rather, you had to wait for God’s time. It is when God says He will do it that He will do it.
There was really no pressure from both families. But, you know, as humans, my own family was worried, wondering what was wrong. My sister-in-law, who attends the Redeemed Christian Church of God, encouraged me a lot. She prayed for us ceaselessly. So also was my mother-in-law. Everybody stood by me while the waiting lasted.
Yet, I was deeply worried inside of me. ‘It happened before, why is it not happening again?’ was always the question on my lips. At a point, I wanted to give up. I wasn’t praying anymore. I’m a worker in my church, but it got to a stage that I resolved not to pray for the fruit of the womb again. But here I am today. God, at last, remembered me.
Relationship with husband while waiting lasted
The period of waiting for the fruit of the womb didn’t affect our relationship in any way. He stood by me. We went through thick and thin together. I appreciate him for his patience and understanding. We spent a fortune trying to find solution.
And we were assured that we would have children at God’s time. At that point, I went back to God to ask for forgiveness. When you are asking God for something and you are not getting it, it is not easy. So, when we got all the assurances from our doctors that there was nothing wrong with us, I went back to God in prayer, asking for His mercy and forgiveness. My husband stood by me while the nightmare lasted. But I wouldn’t describe him as a perfect man. We had our ups and downs, but he really did not add to my sorrow.
Advice to women waiting for the fruit of the womb
Be patient and believe that God is able to wipe away your tears. Don’t work yourself up because as humans, frustration will surely set in. But don’t give up. It’s not easy to wait for years and no child is forthcoming. The couple have to be patient and never allow anxiety to rob them of happiness because it will affect the wife’s womb medically according to what I was taught in the fertility clinic. Pray and believe that it will happen someday.
Take your fertility medicine regularly as prescribed by your doctors and you will surely get a result. Today, I am happy and I pray that the same God that did it for me will do it for women looking for the fruit of the womb.
Joy of motherhood
When it finally happened, my joy was full. I couldn’t contain it. I was like, ‘Is this me? So, it finally happened’. I will forever be grateful to God. You know people will laugh at you at your back and in your presence pretend as if they are sympathizing with you.
Such is life, but I thank God that He wiped away my tears. When you think of the gossips about you, you go into your closet and cry your eyes out. But when the babies arrived, all my pains disappeared and my joy was full. The coming of the babies helped to reinforce the love my husband has for me. I am the happiness woman on earth.
The babies put new spark in our marriage – husband
One year after the coming of the babies
My babies will be one year on November 30. Describing the joy, I will say I am overjoyed. It put a new spark in our 15-year-old marriage and 17 years of knowing each other.
Tempted to have extra-marital affairs
There would always be temptation; there were temptations. But I don’t need to go into the ups and downs we went through. But like I always say, the only pressure on us as a couple was not from her family or my family but from us, especially my wife. Women are always more agitated in situations like this than men. They have what I call warped reasoning that ‘because you are a man, you can still remarry even at 70 years’.
But women can reach menopause; and once they pass that stage, they can’t have children anymore. And what you hear in many cases is that the family of the man has secretly married another woman for their son in the village. But it was not like that in our case. I am glad that we were able to go through the whole thing together and, at the end of the day, we had double joy. While the waiting lasted. I was not agitated because I believe that children are from God and that they will come when they will come.
Period of pregnancy
It was a period of great expectation, waiting and fulfilment.
Why should I regret? If there was anything like regret, it would have been divorce that ‘I can’t take this anymore’. That we are where we are today and having this conversation means that there was no regret whatsoever. There may have been pressure mounted on us by ourselves but no regret whatsoever.